A Change of Pace

I'm getting better at following my friends' blogs. And I really like the formats they use. I had started this with the intention of almost "article-writing," picking a topic and spewing my thoughts on it. But that's not really my style. I ramble WAY too much. So, Tegan and Sierra, I'm gonna try it your way -- life happenings as they happen. Online diary, here I come.

Typical Tuesday. Logan, my oldest, had part-day enrichment at the CDC (child development center, not Center for Disease Control). I needed stamps so I can (hopefully) do Christmas cards. I stood in line 30 minutes. Our base post office is SUPER busy this time of year, but the alternative is far scarier. My only time at a post office off-base was very unpleasant. (see i'm rambling...). Ok, Logan at school, I need stamps, my friend Amy to the rescue. She picked him up since her son attends too. And Logan has a major meltdown.

What is wrong with my CHILD?? He will be 4 next month, and I just can't believe my child acts this way! Screaming, jumping in anger, crying his eyes out, "I don't want to go with you!" All in front of other parents and his teachers. Not every day is like this. But WOW!

Right now I'm chalking it up to Daddy's travels. Poor Eric has been gone a lot more than we anticipated when we accepted this assignment. It's all been for good, mind you. But sheesh. The boys have a hard time with saying hi to Daddy only to turn around and see him off again in a few days. What kid wouldn't? Thank goodness for cell phones and Skype.

Tomorrow Eric comes home. Hopefully for about 8 months (with a few 2-day trips in there for good measure). I'm really hoping that having him around will help Logan get his attitude in check.

I'm going to have to start cooking regular meals again. I hope I remember how.

Twilight Fan and Proud of It

Yes I am a Twilight fan. Yes I know you may think I'm crazy/stupid/juvenile. And guess what...I don't care.

I didn't start to read the books until after the first movie had been released on DVD. At that time all four books had been published. My oldest son was just over a year old. And I was RELUCTANT to get into something that seemed so beneath me (cuz I'm too cool for that). BUT...I seem to like the same sort of books my sister Amie and my mom like. Amie read them first. She raved so much Mom picked them up. Then Mom got excited for the movie after finishing the first book. And it was over for me.

I read all 4 books in 8 days. Halfway through the first book, I handed my son to my husband. "He's all yours until I finish this book." I read in the mornings, breaks at work, after supper. I did not put it down. I COULD not put it down. Amie had agreed to loan me her books when Mom finished. Mom wasn't fast enough. Ten minutes after finishing Twilight (and giving Logan a nice little kiss and hug), I was off to Wal-Mart to pick up New Moon and Eclipse.

That's how it went for just over a week. I lived, breathed, slept Stephenie Meyer.

And now I find myself doing the same thing with the movies. We have a TV in our bedroom and all the movie channels Dish Network has to offer. And lately you can find at least one of these movies on around the time I go to bed. And I always tune in.

I know Kristen Stewart isn't Katherine Hepburn. I know the plot line isn't Shakespeare. But I. Am. Hooked.

What is it? Why do I like it so much?????

I am a romantic. I think I'm still a teenager in that emotional department. I imagine how nice it would be if my husband would sing me a love song when it comes on the radio and confess how it reminds him of me. I am also an emotional creature. I cry at church just from the message of a song during Praise and Worship. And, poorly written as it may be, this series pulls at those two strings in me perfectly. I can relate to teenage Bella. I always felt like the guy I was in love with at the time was the world; I believed I would do anything for him, as he would for me. What girl wouldn't want a man who is strong, devoted, enamored with her?

My only fear, or hesitation, is the possibility of setting up expectations. What man COULD be Edward? He's a fantasy, an unrealistic vision that can never be. And measuring up a true male to those standards would make any of them run.

I'm lucky in that I have a truly amazing husband. With all that life has handed him, he is the most level-headed person I know. He is my Edward.

So, I'm gonna go now and watch Eclipse. Because it's on. And the big fight is about to happen. :-)

30 and Counting

I celebrated my 30th birthday yesterday. I spent most of the day reflecting, but not in a way you would expect.

Age doesn't bother me. I make a big deal out of it because it's funny, because it's what people expect. My mother is the same way. Her philosophy is that each birthday is a blessing, a badge of sorts. The alternative is much less appealing.

I had to have a good long talk with myself. Because of my attitude.

As children, we are the center of attention on our birthdays. I just don't seem to have outgrown that mentality.

Backtrack a year...

On my 29th birthday, the day after I hosted my very first Thanksgiving meal (with lots of help from a dear friend), I had voiced my desire to do nothing. No need to go out for a meal, since we had just eaten like pigs. No need for a get together, since we had all been together for a few days due to Thanksgiving. So I got what I asked for. No cards. No cake. No singing. Eric and I cleaned out the garage. Hooray. Not. And I threw a fit afterwards. But I only had myself to blame.

So in preparation for the big 3-0, I told my husband to make a big deal, partially to make up for 29.

The morning of my birthday, he was making phone calls, still planning. *sigh*

In his defense, he has been traveling a TREMENDOUS amount since March. And he's not an "on time" romantic. He's a "random" romantic.

I sulked to the bedroom, had myself a good cry and went to Jazzercise. When I got home, Eric had taken the boys shopping to give me some alone time (read "Get Mommy her card"...at least I got a card this year!!!). As I showered I started to sulk again, because there was no party, no cake, no surprises, and I was alone.

But it hit me -- YOU ARE 30. YOU ARE AN ADULT. ACT LIKE IT.

My husband gave me alone time because I haven't been getting much of it lately with his travel schedule. Blessing. I got to go to Jazzercise and do something for my body & health. Blessing. I treated myself to Starbucks. Blessing. We ended up going to dinner with friends. Blessing. I got cards from my husband and boys. Blessing. I got more than enough "Happy Birthdays" on Facebook. Blessing. Phone calls from my parents. Blessing. On and on. Lots of blessings. Not the exact way I wanted. But my family and friends helped me celebrate in ways they thought I would enjoy. What's wrong with that?

So I tried my best, and I think I succeeded, in accepting what happened, and not making others feel like I was ungrateful. Because I truly am grateful.

So, for the next 30 years, my focus will be on being clear on my expectations, and not being thrown for a loop when things don't go my way.

And I'll be clear to my husband. 40th Birthday. Party. Balloons. TONS of people. The whole works. Maybe.

Booksneeze.com

I did it! I signed up! Now I get to choose books to review...

I've got a few blogging friends that work with this site as well. I'm very excited to be joining them!

Look for book reviews. I can't wait to get started!

5 Years and Counting

Marriage. So common. So mysterious. So...many things.

My husband and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary this past weekend. I consider it a milestone. According to Wikipedia, 49% of all marriages end in divorce. The average length of "first" marriages that end in divorce is about 8 years.  So if my marriage is going to dissolve, it's most likely half over. What a scary thought.

I've heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest. For Eric and I, it was a cake walk. We had a few financial issues (what new couple doesn't), but they were nothing. We had no issues with living together, no major adjustments. We became pregnant with our first child within 6 months of our wedding. My family was close by. We were able to travel to see his family. We both had jobs. Everything just worked out. Everything has always worked out. Our marriage is awesome!

When I learned that Eric would be TDY (temporary duty = training) during our milestone anniversary, I got pretty irritated.

Eric has never missed a birthday. He's never missed Christmas or Easter. He was TDY one Independence Day, but we were lucky enough to be able to go see him, so our family was able to be together. I suppose one anniversary is lucky in the grand scheme. I've just been pretty spoiled compared to some other military families/spouses.

I celebrated our anniversary with a nice steak, baked potato and grilled asparagus from Outback Steakhouse and a nice phone call with my love. We may be miles apart, eating separate meals at different tables, but our love is strong. It travels through cell towers and fiber optic cables to each other's hearts.

My Time

I'm in love with my children. They make me smile, make me laugh, love me unconditionally, give me something to do, etc.

But I have to admit, my favorite time of day is probably after the kids go to bed.

As any other SAHM (stay at home mom) I am ON once the boys wake up. I get up, shower, change my kids, get breakfast, clean up from breakfast, take Logan to school, go to Jazzercise, come home, dishes or laundry, pick up Logan, make and clean up lunch, put boys down for nap, attempt to clean while fighting semi-sleepy boys who don't want to sleep, get boys up from nap, play with my kids, make dinner, clean up dinner, bathe boys, put boys to bed. All generic, not the same every day, some days more, some days less.

Some days I amaze myself that the schedule, which is pretty monotonous, doesn't drive me batty. I'm a conundrum that way -- I hate change, I hate when things are ALWAYS the same.

But after the craziness that is a typical Angel day, I can kiss my sleeping boys, slip downstairs and turn on my DVR. I flip the footrest out on the chair, lean back with my laptop, and catch up on my shows. It's mindless entertainment. And I love it.

I have to wonder if this makes me a bad mother. I tell myself that "a happy mom makes a happy house." How many experts tell us woman to take time for ourselves? So I try. And while I upload my photos to Facebook and watch Desperate Housewives, I giggle to myself at the funny things Logan said and marvel at the progress Ian makes every day.

And I thank God for what he gave me.

Bonus of the Air Force Base

I was able to not only see the Air Force Thunderbirds practice RIGHT OVER MY HOUSE this weekend, but our housing area on the base is close enough to the flight line that I got to see most of the show from my front yard. It's times like that I thank God I'm a military wife!

There are so many sides to this lifestyle that folks in the civilian world never see. Some are good (like free air shows with the coolest pilots to walk the face of the planet), some are not (don't get me started).

This weekend was a blessing all around. Eric and I went four-wheeling with friends (sans children, thanks to a wonderful fellow military wife). During one stop, I could only pause and stare at the beautiful New Mexico scenery. "I get to live here," I told myself. I don't have to, I get to. We've lived in 4 states during the last three years. How many other people can say that? How many people get to go from the white sand beaches of Destin, Florida to the Land of Enchantment? The military can open so many doors for you, if you just let it. If you just have that right frame of mind. If you just look at every move, every job change, every policy/law change, EVERYTHING as an opportunity.

I'll be honest. I do not feel so happy-lovey-dovey with our government every day. The days when my husband comes home and tells me one trip has been cancelled (hooray) so that he can go somewhere else (NO NO NO!!!!!) are not my shining moments of perfect wifedom. His unit does so much training. The kids and I get emotionally worn out sometimes from the hellos and goodbyes. But we do get the opportunity to visit some of these places with him (not often). And all of this training will help Eric get a civilian job when he retires from the Army (8-10 years down the road).

Today, I thank God for my blessings. God gave me this amazing soldier to love. My soldier has taken me all over the country (and hopefully around the world, say, Germany? next post???). He has opened my eyes to more than the Midwest (although I miss home greatly). My children have the opportunity most adults never get. I pray I can remain strong through it all and show them how to take this lifestyle and make the most of it.

Almost 30 & Still a Baby

In 57 days I will turn 30. And tonight, I miss my mommy.

Tonight as I took out some trash, I looked west and saw all the beautiful colors of the desert sunset (get a lot of those here in New Mexico). With all these people around me, I suddenly got lonely. Sometimes I just want to share things with my mom. And she's 1200 miles away.

My mother is my best friend. And not like a junior high girl has a best friend. This woman is my BEST friend. I have other family that is very special to me, but there's just something about a mama...

I'm so blessed to have the mom I have. She's been with me through everything, from sporting events and school plays, post-college job interviews and the birth of my first child. I lived within 35 miles of her until I was 27 and my husband went Active Duty. My mom has ALWAYS BEEN THERE.

But when Uncle Sam calls (or you call Uncle Sam and he says "Sure, come on over!"), the comforts of home need to change, because "home" changes. We've lived in three different states in less than three years, and we have seen and done some amazing things. I've made new friends, some of which were the type that just get you through your current phase in life, some that will be my friends til my last breath. Through it all, when I experience something new and exciting or find myself in a situation I don't know how to deal with, "call Mom" is my first thought.

For now, thank goodness for cell phones and email, text messages and Facebook...even though she isn't on Facebook yet...we'll work on that.

I have to wonder if this feeling will ever fade. I don't want it to. And it gets easier as time passes. I wonder if a part of me has yet to grow up, and if it ever will. I hope I can be as awesome of a mom to my boys, and let them know I will always be there for them. I've had a good role model.

Book Giveaway

As I mentioned in my first post, I want a new book. And one way to get it, is to have a blog and mention the giveaway.

My friend Sierra Tervo was fortunate enough to read and review a book before it's release. The publishing company was kind enough to give her two copies to give away. You can find details on her blog:

http://tervotimes.blogspot.com/2011/09/giveaway.html

Head on over and check her out. She'd love to have ya!

angel

The Little Things...

A big transition happened today for my two year old. His crib is no more, having been converted to...dun dun dun..."THE TODDLER BED!" He is the second child, and as such is quite often compared to the first. The first, Logan, went from a crib to his "big boy bed" (a full twin, lucky guy) about a month after he turned 2 (not because we wanted him to, but we needed the crib for kid #2, Ian). So naturally, because Logan did it, so should Ian.

It's just another of a million milestones, milestones I've been through with my oldest. It was bittersweet with Logan, because it meant he really WAS a toddler, not my baby anymore. But not calling Logan a baby didn't hit me too hard -- I had Ian, 6 months old at the time, and HE would always be my baby. But...now my second baby isn't a baby either.

Yes, there were several instances of Eric heading back up the stairs to hand out the firmly stated "I said stay in bed." Yes, there were some tears shed from those sweet little eyes that didn't understand why he couldn't explore this new-found freedom. But he fell asleep relatively quickly.

I went in to check on him, as I do every night. And my little boy lay there, in the crib with just three sides and a little half-barrier. My eyes got a tad misty...kinda seems like he grew leaps and bounds in that second of laying down in his "new" bed.

Who knows...there may be another "baby" in the future. But for now, it's Ian. I keep reminding myself, especially when those boys push my buttons, that God gave me these precious children for only a short time. And I MUST enjoy the little things while I can.

First Time.

What have I done?

All for a book? Yes. I'm an avid reader (sometimes?). I enjoy books, always have. And if I had my way, I'd probably split my time between my Kindle and the Xbox 360. But then the thought of two little "man cubs" (so eloquently put by a military wife-friend of mine) creeps into my mind and *poof* books and games are gone.

So, I guess this is it. For a free book, I'll write about my life. If anyone wants to read, great. If not, that's ok too. Part of me would like that reassurance that there are folks out there that think like me, are pleased by the same things, annoyed by the same things, all that jazz. And if my words make someone smile, great! If I upset someone, oh well. I can do that all by myself, regardless of any internet intervention.

Learn with me. I learn every day. Let's see what we can do.