I celebrated my 30th birthday yesterday. I spent most of the day reflecting, but not in a way you would expect.
Age doesn't bother me. I make a big deal out of it because it's funny, because it's what people expect. My mother is the same way. Her philosophy is that each birthday is a blessing, a badge of sorts. The alternative is much less appealing.
I had to have a good long talk with myself. Because of my attitude.
As children, we are the center of attention on our birthdays. I just don't seem to have outgrown that mentality.
Backtrack a year...
On my 29th birthday, the day after I hosted my very first Thanksgiving meal (with lots of help from a dear friend), I had voiced my desire to do nothing. No need to go out for a meal, since we had just eaten like pigs. No need for a get together, since we had all been together for a few days due to Thanksgiving. So I got what I asked for. No cards. No cake. No singing. Eric and I cleaned out the garage. Hooray. Not. And I threw a fit afterwards. But I only had myself to blame.
So in preparation for the big 3-0, I told my husband to make a big deal, partially to make up for 29.
The morning of my birthday, he was making phone calls, still planning. *sigh*
In his defense, he has been traveling a TREMENDOUS amount since March. And he's not an "on time" romantic. He's a "random" romantic.
I sulked to the bedroom, had myself a good cry and went to Jazzercise. When I got home, Eric had taken the boys shopping to give me some alone time (read "Get Mommy her card"...at least I got a card this year!!!). As I showered I started to sulk again, because there was no party, no cake, no surprises, and I was alone.
But it hit me -- YOU ARE 30. YOU ARE AN ADULT. ACT LIKE IT.
My husband gave me alone time because I haven't been getting much of it lately with his travel schedule. Blessing. I got to go to Jazzercise and do something for my body & health. Blessing. I treated myself to Starbucks. Blessing. We ended up going to dinner with friends. Blessing. I got cards from my husband and boys. Blessing. I got more than enough "Happy Birthdays" on Facebook. Blessing. Phone calls from my parents. Blessing. On and on. Lots of blessings. Not the exact way I wanted. But my family and friends helped me celebrate in ways they thought I would enjoy. What's wrong with that?
So I tried my best, and I think I succeeded, in accepting what happened, and not making others feel like I was ungrateful. Because I truly am grateful.
So, for the next 30 years, my focus will be on being clear on my expectations, and not being thrown for a loop when things don't go my way.
And I'll be clear to my husband. 40th Birthday. Party. Balloons. TONS of people. The whole works. Maybe.
